


Not Again

by Fangirling_FTW



Series: Destiel One-Shots [15]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst and Feels, Grieving Dean Winchester, Grieving Sam Winchester, Heavy Angst, One Shot, Season/Series 13 Speculation, Short One Shot, Talking about MCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 15:01:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11831175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fangirling_FTW/pseuds/Fangirling_FTW
Summary: Someone has to tell Claire what happened to Castiel.Sequel to my one-shot "Heavy"





	Not Again

**Author's Note:**

> Okay guys, another sad one from me. I'm getting too good at this, tbh, it scares me. 
> 
> Grieving Dean through Sam's eyes, a lot of feels. Claire finds out about Cas. Take this as a general warning, for those of you who need it.

“We need to do  _ something _ !” Sam is exasperated, running an agitated hand through his hair.  “Dean, we need to figure out how to get Jack back here, so we can get  _ Mom  _ back!  He’s the only one that can open the portal.”  Dean doesn’t even look at him, just stares at the fire that’s burning down to embers out in the yard, the remains of Kelly’s funeral pyre.  Jack had taken one look at Sam and vanished, which he wasn’t necessarily surprised about, but it was aggravating to say the least.  What made this all the more difficult was Dean wasn't exactly being helpful.  The last thing Dean had said to Sam was  _ I’m not burning him, _ so they’d buried Cas’ body, marking the small grave with some stones. one that Dean had carefully carved Cas’ name into in enochian.  They’d been waiting around for a day now, and Sam was  _ done  _ waiting.  “Dean, I get that this sucks, okay?  I do, but you’ve gotta work with me here.  We  _ need  _ to-” Dean spun on his heel and started to walk away, effectively cutting off the end of Sam’s sentence.  Sam grabs his brother by the arm, yanking him around.  “Dean, don’t walk away from me,” he snaps.

Dean barely meets his eyes, and when Sam finally gets a look at his face he sees…

Nothing.

Dean has completely shut down.

He lets Dean go, and watches sadly as Dean moves away to pack up their things.  Sam takes a few breaths and then follows along behind him, glancing at the abandoned nursery before walking out to the car.  Dean hands Sam the keys as they’re loading the trunk, and before Sam can even double check if Dean really wants him to drive, Dean has already walked away towards the passenger seat.

Sam pulls away, watching the shack in the rearview mirror as they drive away.  He swallows hard and focuses on the road ahead of them instead of the pain behind them, trying to figure out what their next move should be.  Every time he tries to engage Dean in conversation, his brother sits beside him in silence.  After a full day Sam gives up trying.

He knew Dean was grieving, they both were, but it wasn't the same kind of grief Sam was used to seeing from his brother.  The kind where Dean gets angry, the kind that pushed him to kill the entirety of the Stein family after losing Charlie, or the kind that made him search out vengeance like when their dad died.  The kind of drive that was scratching at the back of Sam’s skull right now to  _ do something  _ about it.  No, this grief was complete silence, a blank face and dry eyes, ever since he'd walked back outside to see Dean kneeling in the mud.  His brother had at least cried briefly, judging by his red eyes, which was something Sam hadn't managed yet.

Sam wanted to ask for help with Jack, but they literally had no one left to ask except… he turns the car north.  Dean doesn't say anything or react at all to their change in course, just stares out the window at nothing.

They end up in Sioux Falls.  Sam looks out the windshield at Jody’s house, clearing his throat into the silence of the car.

“Want me to go in first?” he asks.  Dean fixes him with a blank look.  “To, uh, to break the news,” Sam explains.  Dean shifts in his seat, looking out the window as the door to the house opens, and Jody walks outside.  Dean simply opens the passenger door and stands up, Sam following his example and walking along behind Dean towards Jody.  “Guess not,” Sam mumbles to himself.

“Hey boys,” Jody says cautiously when she catches sight of their faces.  “What's going on?”  Sam glances at Dean, but his brother’s eyes are focused over Jody’s shoulder, looking at nothing.

“We, uh, we’ve got some bad news,” Sam admits, stuffing his hands in his pockets.  Jody’s face falls,  _ not again  _ written all over her features, and she waves them towards the house.  When they walk inside, Sam notices Dean turn for the hallway, but he lets him go, turning to accept a beer from Jody.

Sam explains everything that happened since they caught up with Cas at the shack.  Jody just listens, even when her eyes well with tears as Sam reaches the end.

“And now I've got no idea what to do.  It's not like we have spellbooks on how to summon a nephilim or now to open portals to another dimension,” Sam scoffs, tossing his empty bottle in the recycle container.

“You need to take five minutes and just breathe,” Jody replies.

“That's five more minutes that mom is over there with Lucifer I can't just-”  Sam stops as the front door swings open.

“Hey, I'm home!” Claire calls, turning for her room.  “Alex is spending the night with Becca again.”  Sam’s stomach drops into his feet, and he can physically feel himself go pale.

“Shit,” he breathes.  “Someone’s gotta tell Claire about Cas.”  Jody’s eyes go wide.

“Oh, God…” she breathes.  Sam turns and follows Claire down the hallway, slowing down as he approaches her door.  Peeking inside, Sam can just see Claire, and strangely Dean, through the half open door.  His brother was leaning on the wall, Claire dropping her backpack on her bed as she tucker her blonde hair up in a ponytail.

“Dean, why are you in my room?” Claire asks with her normal attitude.  It's quiet for a moment as she and Dean exchange a serious look.  The smirk is wiped off Claire’s face.  “Who?” she asks simply.

“We lost Cas,” Dean answers in a rough voice, the first thing Sam’s heard him say in days.  Claire nods, pacing back and forth a bit before kicking her bed angrily.  Dean doesn’t even flinch.

“How?” Claire demands.

“He did something stupid,” Dean huffs, his voice breaking slightly, “and Lucifer...he…”  Sam briefly closes his own eyes against the image seared into his mind, the light pouring from the hole in Cas’ chest.  “We buried him,” Dean adds, and Sam opens his eyes just in time to see Claire grab a book sitting on her desk and throwing it across the room with a frustrated scream.  As she starts to fall to her knees, Dean’s arms wrap around her protectively, tucking her into his chest as her balled fists push against him.   

“I had just gotten around to forgiving him, you know,” she whimpers, sniffing into Dean’s shirt.  

“I know, and I'm so sorry, kiddo,” Dean says sadly.  

“Did you?  I mean...what we talked about?”   _ What?   _ Sam holds his breath, wondering what Claire is referring to...and wondering when she and Dean had been talking.

“No,” Dean sighs.  “I thought I'd have time.  I thought... I thought we’d have more  _ time _ .”  Sam’s heart aches at the raw  _ pain  _ in his brother's voice.  Sam watches as Dean’s face crumples in pain, and he holds the teen tighter.

“You should know better,” Claire scolds, finally giving in and wrapping her arms around Dean.  He rests his chin on the top of her head, his eyes squeezed shut tightly.

“We’ll get each other through this,” Dean promises.  “He'd never forgive us if we don't.”  Sam knew Dean’s silence had been because he was hurting, he hadn't realized  _ how much  _ until he heard the tremor in his voice talking about Cas, until he watched the tears track down his brother’s cheeks, Dean unable to blink them away fast enough.  Claire pulls away, and Dean reaches into his pocket, pulling a wallet out and handing it to her.  “This was...well, he never got rid of Jimmy’s wallet…”

Sam turns away, feeling like he was intruding on something too personal and walked down to the end of the hallway, turning his eyes to the ceiling and blinking a few times to clear the wetness that had formed there.  Once he’s collected himself, he moves back out to the kitchen where Jody is in the process of getting some food together.  Her eyes are a little puffy and red, but she's putting on a brave face, and Sam can appreciate that.  It made sense to Sam now, why Dean needed to be the one to tell Claire.  Cas had been important to Sam, had been his brother, but to Dean...Cas had meant something else.  And according to the conversation he'd just overheard, probably more than Sam realized.

Sam was also coming to realize he wasn’t totally okay either.  He wasn’t ready to confront it, not yet, but when Jody looked over her shoulder at him, he didn’t turn her away when she walked over for a hug.  

“Think the two of them will be alright?” Jody asked quietly.

“We were,” Sam points out.  He'd lost Jess, and Jody had lost her husband and her son, yet here they were.  Jody squeezes him tightly, sniffing as she moved back to the stove.

Sam helps Jody make some grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and when the food is done Dean and Claire return to the kitchen to eat.  It's quiet, but not the same quiet it was on the drive over, and Sam will take it.  Once the food is done, Jody pours out a glass of whiskey for each of the adults, and after a brief pause, she pours a small sip out for Claire.

“To Cas,” Dean says thickly, holding his glass up.  Sam raises his, pretending not to notice as Claire wipes at her eyes quickly.

“To Cas,” Sam agrees.  Dean meets his eyes and Sam nods to his brother as they down their whiskey, Claire coughing a little on hers which almost makes Dean smile.

Whether or not they would be okay was still up in the air, but at least they all had each other.

**Author's Note:**

> LEAVE ME COMMENTS PLS AND THANKS ILYSM


End file.
